this is starting to look like my yearly mid-summer post

First things first. I did not create anything all year.

There. I said it. I feel relieved from my self-imposed guilt. Since when has not creating for art's sake been a crime or a sin?

I've considered changing my blog's name. I've not dwelt in my studio, let alone set foot in this secluded room of my house since last year. I'm almost afraid of seeing all that mishmash of art and scrapbooking supplies. A glaring testament to excess, to indulgence that was left unchecked. But in truth, all that clutter has come to symbolize my disorganized life.

Oh, I will say this much.

My friend and constant companion of fourteen years, THOR, died last February 22nd 2011.

My mom, with whom I've been estranged for more years that I can admit, died last May 12th.

My cousin, Allen, is going through yet another round of chemo.

The kids are alright. They're acting like typical (translation--obnoxious, moody, hooked on Facebook) teenagers. And maybe, I'm the only one in the world who don't have perfect teenagers.

El hubby and I are alright. I coming home to him. He is the only one who can say I'm such a b* and the most difficult person to live with and figure out and love me anyway. Or, as I see it, he's simply gotten resigned to his fate ha ha ha.

I wasn't gonna mention work. That thing that I do 5-6 days a week, twelve hours a day. It really doesn't sound all that bad! But if I did start writing about work, I will ramble on and on I'm afraid.

In a word--blessed. I've decided the other day that it's become clear to me. My work is no longer work. It is a calling. I feel blessed to be included in the lives of young children with specific disabilities. Correction: The children have included me into their lives. This is the best and most amazing treat! To them, I'm just a big kid, not much older than them (in heart and soul)...

That was how the year was for a weary, ol' soul such as I.

And if I had actually planned it out well enough, I would've had more than a few scrapbooking pages to journal about, eh?

Well, along the way, I misplaced myself. Temporarilly.

Time flies

Wow. Two years it's been since I last posted! Ha-ha. Life got in the way once again, you could say.

The important thing about 2009 was that the family and I went on a road trip that took us as far as to Vancouver, British Columbia. This was also Thor's first long-distance vacation with us (Thor is our chocolate labrador, who is 14 this year). I *finally* finished making the album for this trip, which I hope to be able to post here soon.

Renee, my daughter who is also 14, competed in martial arts (kempo karate) in several places in California and in Las Vegas, Nevada. She really is one tough cookie, my little girl. And seeing as how she has been a teenager for two years in a row, she has the Attitude to prove it.

Alex, my son who is 16, is in third year high school. He's been sending for information from colleges from all over, although we did tell him that we are not moving anytime soon to those States LOL. We have one more year and he should be off to college.

College! Time flies...Not too long ago, Alex was just coming home, after having been in the neonatal intensive care unit for three months, being born so early, and so sick. And now, I have an almost-adult boy, who certainly has plans for his future. I can't stop worrying about him, though. Alex is always full of surprises, some of which, have not been the ones to please his Mom and Dad, at the very least. But I am ever so grateful for him, for all that he is. He is our first Miracle. And maybe sometimes, he is our teacher for patience and understanding, too.

Lance and I just celebrated our 18th anniversary. Has it been that long? We often say to one another, it seems longer than that. Ha-ha. Time flies indeed.

uploading images is not my cup of tea

Does anyone, besides me, still use dial up? Anyone???

I've got some images of things I've worked on--e.g. holiday greeting cards, some scrapbook pages, etc.-but I can't seem to get the uploading part down pat!

Oh well. I might have to wait until I need to go down to the nearest Starbucks to get my iced green tea venti with very little ice. Unsweetened, of course.

resurrecting from a very quiet summer

It's been almost eight months since my last post Has it really been that long???? Man, I feel so guilty about neglecting my own place...much like the guilt I've been having about neglecting some areas in my life. But I will not discuss them here. I am so done with resolutions, as I simply lose my motivation after a month or so. So I will not promise anything for a change.

But I will say this. For 2009, I will *try* to be more present in the moment. I will not worry too much about what has been said or done. I will not lie awake in bed at an ung*dly hour dwelling in unimaginable fear of losing. Losing someone, something, anything that does not even exist.

On to other things...

I took some time off with my children during their holiday break from school. And I can proudly say I've reconnected with my creative soul (so happy about that!). I wrote some entries for my Gratitude Book (an idea I borrowed from http://gratitude.wetpaint.com/?t=anon). I even bought my cardstock--in black and in sprout green--from JoAnns today (5 for a buck wasn't bad). I have been scrapbooking our Thanksgiving and Christmas photos (although mind you, I am actually years behind on scrapping my photos, but I'm not a chronological kind of scrapbooker anyway). So, I'm happy with what I've accomplished creatively, so far. I even told my dear hunny that I am going through my paper stash like a mad woman. Instead of...well..simply looking at and fondling them every now and then. I have decided I would only shop my stash so I can reduce it to less criminally insane levels

Quote of the day

"The exceptional has only been achieved by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance".

Now, how's that for an affirming statement? I wanted to share it here...with you, who is reading this now, in case you have any lingering doubts that you can be a great person, and dreams can be as far as your arms can reach.

I could not remember where I found that quote from, but all I know I've kept it on my computer files for at least two years. I needed to get rid of some emotional and spiritual clutter. So what do I do? I started with decluttering my computer space (figured that was easier to manage than having to deal with that ogre of a clutter in my studio!). Then I came across that quote, which was merely collecting the proverbial dust in my disk space.

Thank goodness I did. I Needed to read that quote again especially today. Circumstances of birth and of childhood, of early disappointments, missed opportunities, miscalculated decisions--whatever they did, they did to inform me.

My fondest dream is to write. I want to be honest and true at my writing. Whatever my circumstances were, I will not let these circumstances convince me that I simply cannot write that great novel or that one perfect poem.

I begin my journey here.

I finally did it

Wow. Blogging is my new favorite. I have seen and admired several blogger sites and initially wondered, who would want for the world to peek into their own private worlds? But I think I get it now. I think that we all want to connect with one another. For me, I want to write. This is the overriding need of mine. I want to create something so I know that I mean something, and that I can leave even just a speck of a mark into this virtual universe of ours. In many ways, that feeling is a liberating one. On some levels, it is a responsible undertaking. But my mission is small--just to have my own little corner, to ponder thoughts, look into varied points of reality, make art.



I love that last part very much.